A Flashback

I think it was yesterday I mentioned about my ex-girlfriend. Speak of the devil, today I saw her from a distance. Our eyes met so we just waved at each other. Lets just call her Nana. It was a 2 and half year stint and we broke off when I found out she had an affair with her own colleague, even though I thought I gave her all the love and care one could ever ask for. I guess it just wasn’t enough. This happened in 2000. So yea, we broke off peacefully, despite some of my hot-headed friends volunteered to take down the guy into pieces. But I’m not into violent act so he’s lucky.

Of course I was devastated, support from my dearest friends kept me alive and kicking. Apparently her affair with that guy did not last long coz her dad found out she sneaked out of home and stayed with the guy. They broke off after almost 2 weeks I broke off with her. She started to look for me again, even her family tried to contact me. As much as I missed her, i was battling with my own feelings and good God I was strong enough to reject all the calls and texts. I’ve seen her true colours already. I thought of reconsidering her, but the fact that she sneaked out and stayed with the guy serves a major reason why I did not. Even an hour of them together, anything can happen and of course she will deny, and if anything should happen to her, I don’t want to be accountable for something I did not do.

So yea, I survived the waves of her texts and calls. It was painful, I was falling apart and missing her badly. But then I thought, there’s no point being with someone who I cannot trust anymore. I gave her all the trust she needed and she misused it. So I decided to erase all the evidence of our relationship, to the extent of burning her photos and her love notes. Painful but it was a right decision. My friends, even some of her own friends, applauded me for taking the right move. No point in being with someone who hurt us and has the potential to hurt us again, no matter how much we’re deeply in love with them.

Perhaps sick and tired of my ignorance, she stopped contacting me. I didn’t hear anything from her until 3 years later, 2003. She came back, and I was more than happy to accept her as a friend, no more than that. We even had lunch once and she asked me why don’t I find a girlfriend. I just smiled. She was in a rocky relationship that time and she tried to ask me out on few occassions which I politely declined. I know she was still hoping to get me back in her life but for her, I just couldn’t find any remnants of love that I can rekindle except of course, as a friend.

Until National Day 2004, she popped the Question of the Year. Just a usual friend to friend text while I was waiting to march under the scorching sun. Until she asked me,

“Do you still love me kah?”

I just smiled, if I were to retaliate, this was the time. Revenge is sweet. But I decided to tell her my true feelings in a diplomatic way.

“I care as a friend” my reply was simple but that’s the fact.

After that, her replies seems to be filled with frustration. She would just reply me with a one word text, Bah, K, things like that. I knew she expected a different answer but I just couldn’t lie to myself. Like I said, I’ve extinguished all the flames I had for her. Since then, we drifted apart again although once in a while we still cross paths just like today. And if we did, we would just exchange a simple Hi, how are you? few words and a bye see you again. I heard she’s happily engaged now so I’m happy for her.

I guess things between me and Nana are meant to be like this and I’m glad about it.