*The Ballad of Ayu*

Hint: Read this with the song Ada Cinta in the background, preferably the instrumental version.

My dearest Ayu

I know I’ve told you about how I feel for you, but hey, I thought I’d say it again here. I don’t know how to end this forbidden love. The more I’m trying to forget you, the more I think of you. I am sick, I am insane. But my love, this is just what I feel, loving you for who you are, even though I know I will never be with you. It is wrong for me to love you, but it’s the most wonderful feeling I have ever felt. I know you might not love me the way I love you coz you can’t split your heart into two. But as long as you know how I feel, I’m happy with that.

My dearest Ayu

I know by now, you might not have my number in your phone anymore. He must have scrolled through you call and text logs after you text me the other night. I know it was him who texted me ‘Siapa ni?’ using your number. And I’m sure he must have removed any traces of me. My dearest love, there goes our comm. I’m not expecting you to remember my number and I won’t be contacting you unless you find me first.

My dearest Ayu

I know you were in trouble. It wasn’t the first time he deleted my number from your phone, I know you can’t even have friends from the species called ‘men’. I’m sorry my dearest love, I don’t know what actually happened to you when he found out that you texted me. I hope you were fine coz you were so used to it. And my dearest Ayu, I don’t want you to cry, I don’t want you to be hurt, not even a tiny little scratch. I care for you my dearest love. Please forgive me my dearest Ayu, I have caused you so much trouble already. Forgive me.

My dearest Ayu

If we are to lose contact, I just want you to know one thing. I will always love you no matter what. Even if you and I walk our own paths one day, I will always cherish the love I have for you. I will always remember our short meetings, the way you react when we bumped into each other, they way you smile when I kissed your hands and wipe the sweat off your forehead. Every single moment with you, I will immortalise them all. Only hopelessly hoping the moment will repeat itself.

My dearest Ayu

Every minute, every second, how I wish you were by my side. Yes it’s only a wishful thinking, to have you by my side is almost close to impossible, or shall I say it is impossible. I’m happy when you said that you would accept me if only you were single. I’m really happy my love. Somehow, somewhat, I know you care about me to a certain extent. And having you as a friend, is enough to make my day.

My dearest Ayu

If we are meant not to see each other again, I just hope you will embed the memory of you and me somewhere in your mind and heart. That is all I ask from you my dearest love. Nothing more, just that. And if I should close my eyes forever, I hope to see your sweet face until my last breath. If that should happen, I want you to know that my love for you will never die. If I should go to heaven, the first thing I would ask from God is to be re-united with you, my dearest Ayu, my dearest love.

Love & care,

Z

Hectic

Sorry guys for the lack of updates, I’ve been quite busy with work and was asked to attend a bloody last minute software training in which I was only notified 10 minutes prior to the commencing time. Brilliant! Just brilliant! Typical Bruneian style of managing things at the very last minute. This is why I’m keeping you all in suspense with ‘The Ballad of Ayu’ entry which I promise I will write. I’m actually in the classroom right now, writing this while the instructor is teaching in front, his low toned voice enough to make us sleep. I will need full concentration and feelings to write ‘The Ballad of Ayu’ so please stick with me.

I am darn upset with the bosses actually. My bosses are people who run things for their own personal interest at the expense of us mid and low level employees. They expect us to do dirty jobs while they get the credit at the end of the day. Worst, they even asked us to do things which makes us look like idiots. Honestly I’ve had enough of this crap organisation, the bosses are full of bulls**t, they came up with lots and lots of genius ideas for the firm but all of them are for their own benefits, not to mention some bunch of people who kiss butts and polish apples for their bosses. Well rather than polishing it, I’d rather eat the apple. Kanyang parut!