You are currently browsing the monthly archive for December 2007.
Phew! I thought I was gonna take a deep breath after 80% completing a project for a client. I spent most of my weekend in front of my PC and inflicted pain on my back after sitting for hours. Yea work can be unhealthy sometimes, this is where health and safety rules comes in. So yea, the project. Completed 80%, but it seems that the figure is down to 60% now. It’s not easy dealing with fussy people. Oh well, customer is always right kan. Whoever genius idea it was who created that little phrase. But then, as long as they’re not rude, I’m still okay with it.
It’s the end of 2007 now, in case I don’t write something tomorrow, this might be my last entry for 2007. A year full of memories, ups and downs, turmoils in my life. Love has not been a good friend of mine, but thank God who sent me an angel to close this year with. Money, I’m always happy and thankful with what I have, although I am sure I will need more of it as time flies. Career, somehow I think I need to change to a better job, or best if I could start my own business. Working with a-holes can get straight to my nerves, and I think they’re everywhere.
Frienshipwise, I still have the same ol lovely friends around me. Even if we don’t spend much time together nowadays, but when we do, nothing has changed. Still the same chemistry, the loudness, the laughters, etc.
Emma, she’s been always by by side, fixing my broken heart, making me smile with her ever cheerfulness and sense of humour. Eza, my Star, sparkling my dark nights, my Rainbow, colouring my rainy days, we still chat once in a while, she’s a serum to the poison that runs through my blood. Fizz, someone who understands me inside and out, we still text each other almost everyday maintaining contact, she’s always there whenever I need someone to talk to. My Cute Little Hana, someone who always me me laugh and smile. The last day dreaming we had was about Prison Break which is stuck at the 8th episode, so I told her I volunteered to star as Lincoln Burrows while she became Scofield’s new love interest. My buddy Amal, we still keep in touch with each other, I know she will always cherish every single second of our time together.
Happy New Year everyone, I wonder what 2008 has in store for us all 🙂
I might be missing updates for the next few days people, I’ve been tied up with projects which I hope to complete by this weekend. Working like a dog huh? Somehow I envy the government servants who are getting an extra month and a half stash in their payrolls today. As for me, being in a private firm, I still get the same amount like I always do this month end. Ah well, I’ll just be thankful I still get what I need to get to survive the month.
Oh yea, I just found out that my favourite Kristal FM DJ Jenny had given birth, was it a baby girl? Anyway Jenny if you’re reading this, congratulations yea, you’re a mummy now 🙂
Nothing interesting happening at work today, everyone went on Christmas holiday I suppose. So apart from 2 pointless meetings with some jokers, I spent the day with minimal paperwork while my colleagues decorated a Christmas tree. Such a quiet and peaceful day, I didn’t even get any phonecalls except for a text message from Ayu which I totally ignored.
She was enquiring something about work, I expected her to text me today so I deliberately switched off my handphone. I’m sure she’s been trying to miss call me the whole day. Well I don’t mean to be unhelpful, just want to give her a taste of how it feels to be treated like shit. Furthermore, I’m sure she’ll manage with her duties even without my help. Her text ended with the usual *mwahz* which means poison for me. I could have replied her with a very short and cold answer to her query but I opted not to reply at all, thanks to Fizz and Eza for always supporting me. I know there’s a little corner in my heart made me miss her, especially when I remember the good times spent with her. But a man has got to do what a man got to do to maintain his pride.
Merry Christmas for those who celebrate 🙂
Keep on posting the comments on the previous post guys. The comment which make an impact to me will win. Heheh! By the way, me and Fizz pulled a little trick on Ayu yesterday just to see how genuine she is in appreciating a friend. The game plan is like this; I am to text her and ask her out last night, and see what’s her answer to that. If she said yes, I am to cancel it two hours before the date. Heheh! Nasty? So yea, she was on MSN and I asked her,
“What you doing tonight?”
“Ermm, I dunno ah, nada apa-apa kali.” she said.
“Mau jalan tonight?” I offered.
“Lain kali saja, maybe me jalan karang malam. Sorry ah?”
I’ll let you guys to analyse that little conversation. That’s when Fizz said she really wanted to push me away from her bloody precious life. Oh well, who gives a damn anyway.
Went out and hang out with Fizz last night. Emma went out to a party with her friends, Eza had to take care of her sick granny while my boy friends are on night shift. And that crazy little plan to take Ayu out, I’m not going to drive 200kms just to get hurt right? So yea, fetched Fizz and we went out for dinner, talk and quality time somewhere in Gadong. Thanks for your time dearest.
Fizz said she hates Ayu for what she did to me and I am the last person to realise that. She said in fact “we ALL hate her”, the word ‘all’ refers to my readers. I can already sense that Ayu is starting to lie to me, slowly pushing me away from her bloody precious life (as described by Fizz), treating me like I am a nobody in her life and only needing me when needed. Well, I don’t give a damn what she want to do now, at least if she still cares for me as a friend, I think I deserve better.
So do you all hate Ayu as well? Now here’s something for you all to do. Write few good and concrete reasons why I should erase her from my mind, heart and life. One good reason is that I already have Emma, so yea, make sure your reasons pinpoint to Ayu. The best written comments will get a free meal voucher from some restaurant.
Something from my inbox I would like to share..
Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realise its not worth buying an entire buffalo just to get a little sausage.
Men are like:
1) Men are like Laxatives, they irritate the crap out of you.
2) Men are like Bananas, the older they get, they less firm they are.
3) Men are like Weather, nothing can be done to change them.
4) Men are like Blenders, you need one but you’re not quite sure why.
5) Men are like Chocolate bars, sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.
6) Men are like Commercials, you can’t believe a word they say.
7) Men are like Department Stores, their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8 ) Men are like Government Bonds, they take sooooo long to mature.
9) Men are like Mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10) Men are like Popcorn, they satisfy you but only for a little while.
11) Men are like Snowstorms, you never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get and for how long it will last.
12) Men are like Lava Lamps, fun to look at but not very bright.
13) Men are like Parking Spots, all the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Feels like it was only few weeks ago we celebrated Hari Raya, and now it’s Hari Raya again. Time flies so fast yea, it’ll just just a few blinks of our eyes when we’re going to start fasting again. Wishing you all Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha and may God’s blessings be with us.
I’m feeling sick again, coughing and sniffing and it has been a hot day. Wanted to watch The Chipmunks with Emma and some friends but too bad I got to work on this day. Seriously I want to find another job, something which I don’t have to work on weekends on public holidays. Events like this, there are chances that Ayu will be there, but luckily she wasn’t there today. There’s another one tomorrow but I can only pray that she won’t be there.
I worked with Ayu again yesterday, as usual another corporate event thingy, never ending huh! After work, I offered her to join for coffee but she declined. She wanted to go home and see her dad who just got back from overseas. Ok so yea I didn’t insist. So I went cruising around Gadong and Kiulap and guess what? I saw her car at Qlap Mall. I texted her, she said she went there to see her friends who happened to be there. Hmm I don’t know if it was an impromptu thingy, but somehow I felt cheated. I hate it when people lie to me, especially those who I call ‘friends’, and moreover from Ayu, someone who I used to share a ‘little more than just friends’ relationship.
Oh well, who gives a shit if she want to lie to me? Who cares if she’s just enjoying my attention at the expense of my fragile heart? Who cares if I am nothing but an insignificant person in her life? Well, she can do anything now, after all I can put aside the chances of her wanting to be with me since she broke off with her fiance. That part, I’m basically safe. If she really did lie to me yesterday, well, thank you Ayu.
And owh! She kissed my cheek before she left yesterday. I didn’t do anything in return though, but you know what’s the effect of the kiss to my heart. Darn! I really need to get her out of my life, once and for all. Out, out, out! But I can’t, we’re still under a same roof. Unless I quit my job! Help me! I don’t want to see her, or hear from her, or chat with her, or establish any means of contact with her@
I know and you all know that Ayu is single and available right now, maybe not exactly on the official side though, apparently the guy’s family isn’t aware of Ayu’s decision. I had a chat with Ayu yesterday and I asked her to reconsider her decision wisely. The guy has been begging for Ayu to revoke this crucial decision, so I asked Ayu to give him another chance to change for the better. But Ayu said he’s got a lot of chances already and he didn’t use it well. Ayu went as far as saying she had lost her love for him as she can’t take anymore of his attitude.
Well as I said, I don’t really know what chemistry, biology or physics is there between the two of them, how they met, how they got engaged, etc. It’s just not my business. I have heard of people showing their real true colours only after they tied the knot. I don’t know if Ayu had ever seen the overzealous side of him when they first got together. But then again, this is just not my business. All I know at this stage is; Ayu does not love him anymore, at least that’s what she said. Honestly I hope she will cool down and give him just one more chance while the knot is not officially off yet.
Ayu told me what she wanted to do now, just enjoy life and try to forget him. Other than that I don’t know. Just one question had been playing in my mind, and also in my friends’ mind; what if she decided to be with me? Honestly, I doubt it, even though she’s been freely texting or miss-calling me lately. But still I doubt it, I still can’t find a strong proof that she really really love me besides enjoying my attention. Furthermore, if we chat or talk, we didn’t discuss about our feelings anymore, our conversation are limited to friendly stuff and work. It’s just the way we were supposed to be from Day 1.
And I have decided. As you all know how much I really love Ayu, how much I really wanted to be with her, how much I was obsessed with this affection, I will not leave Emma. It’s just so unfair for her and I don’t want to hurt her. If Ayu wants to be with me, it is just too late. Emma has done so much to heal this shattered heart and there is no way on earth that I am going to forsake her. Things would have been different if Ayu broke off during the time I had ‘cold war’ with Emma but then I guess me and Ayu are just not meant to be together. This decision is worth hours and hours of deep thinking and a sleepless night, but yes I have decided.
Oh well, I’ll just leave it to God, He knows what is good for us and I will accept my destiny with an open heart.
Ayu just broke off with her fiance, she said she can’t stand his overzealous and overpossessive attitude, thus she made that decision. Well I honestly don’t know what exactly is going on between them, I don’t want to know either. I don’t know what’s her next move for now though but I think I’ll just let her cool down. Her complications with her fiance arose during that day when we worked together that weekend, but don’t worry it wasn’t caused by me.
When I had to come to work yesterday, I saw her with her mum and sis. She looks happy to see me, not a trace of sadness. Seems like she’s happy she got rid of her fiance. And her mum and sis was smiling the moment they saw me. Ayu said they’ve known me through that poisonous photo that was safely kept by her sister.
My eyes are still red and squinty, the after effects of not having sufficient rest for the past 4 days. And guess what, I am asked to come to work again tomorrow for some never ending corporate thingy. That’s it, I’m taking off on Monday and switch off my phone. Now I miss my old work place, at least I don’t have to work on weekends despite having bosses with self interest. Seriously!
Now I’m gonna bitch about my current boss. He’s the type who will talk about one thing to one person and then say a different story to another. In another words, two-face, or twisted tongue. And if we’re not careful he might get us in deep trouble especially when there’s money involved. He’ll just instruct us to do a costly project but in the end, when there’s a problem with it, he’ll just wash his hands and said he never instructed anybody to do it. I’m beginning to hear disgusted comments from my colleagues.
And he’s a big time dirty old man. I’ve seen his girlfriend came by every now and then and God knows what on earth are they doing in his office, not to mention his wife and kids being ignored at home. I remember when Eza came by few days ago, the way he looked at my beautiful Star and Rainbow was just like a hungry alligator eyeing on it’s prey. And if he ever touches a thread of Eza’s hair, he’s gonna get his protruding teeth rearranged!
I’m kinda nasty tonight ain’t I? 😉 I’m just tired that’s all. Night!
It’s 1130pm and I just got back from work. As I mentioned before we had this office thingy going on and thank God it’s all over. I can’t wait till the weekend where I can sleep till late compensating for the lack of sleep I’ve had for the past 4 days. It’s good that I worked with wonderful people and we never failed to share lots of light moments. Apart from working with my rowdy new colleagues, I got the chance to meet my lovely previous colleagues too. If only my buddy Amal was there for the whole 4 days but she was only assigned to attend on Monday.
I am not a workaholic person, and I never took my work home. But somehow I can be committed to it because I enjoy making everyone happy especially customers, both internal and external. All in all, despite the eyebags and all, it was all good!
Oh yea, and I get to see Eza for 2 days in a row. Don’t ask how and why, but basically the 4 exhausting days somehow led to an opportunity to meet My Star and Rainbow. It’s not everyday that I see her or talk with her. So many things to talk about in so little time. I hope to see her again very soon.
I need a beauty sleep now, it’s not my day off yet so yea, still and early day tomorrow. It has been a wonderful week!
It’s kinda funny since last night I’ve bumped into the girls from the header image. First I met Eza doing some shopping at The Mall, it’s been ages since I last met her. Well we don’t meet up that much, especially with her busy with her studies and all, but it was great to see her last night. Pretty and cheerful as always, and her hair, yes her hair looks exactly like in the header image. Heheh. Hope I’m gonna see her again soon, perhaps for coffee, just to catch up on so many things.
And today, we had this corporate thingy going on. Yea never ending! I wasn’t into it but heck it turned out to be a great day. If last weekend I spent half a day with Ayu, today, unknowingly, Amal my buddy was assigned to a same task with me. So basically I spent a whole day with her. She wasn’t really feeling well, but she adapted well with the team, we were like laughing and joking all along. Singing our favourite songs, having the time of our life just like the good old days.
After work, me, Amal and few other friends went for dinner at The Mall, and I bumped into Cute Little Hana who was about to watch a movie. Cute as always, like a little baby holding a big cup of popcorn, I was so happy to see her, I think it was August since we last met.
And back to the dinner, Amal wanted to eat dinner at the restaurant where we celebrated her birthday two years ago. The place never change, we reminesced where we sat during that birthday party, she still remember how she cried, how I hugged her, what gifts I gave her, etc. It’s all coming back to us now. Well, I’m glad the bond between me and Amal didn’t change, we’re still as rowdy and crazy just like those days. I don’t know when we will do this again, I hope the time will come.
So yea, I bumped into Eza, Amal and Cute Little Hana. Of course I did see Emma for a while today. Except I didn’t meet Ayu and Fizz. I talked with Ayu on the phone for a while though, and as always there’s my daily text conversations with Fizz. Oh yea I think I haven’t mentioned this. I’ve met Fizz in person, the only reader I have met in person. That was last week I think, I was just accompanying her while she had her hair treated at the salon.
To wrap it up, it’s been a happy but tiring day. It’s almost 2am now and I gotta wake at 6am tomorrow, I am tired but I still feel hyper. Perhaps it’s the coincidental and unintentional meeting and seeing Eza, Amal and Cute Little Hana resulted in this adrenaline rush. The girls I don’t get to see often 🙂
It’s kinda funny how the past few weeks have been birthdays for those so dear to me. First it was Amal’s, then Eza’s, and today it’s the Cute Little Hana’s birthday. Wish you a happy birthday lil sister, and hope you enjoy your day with a blast. It has been ages since I met her except for some text messaging or MSN. I even missed her Hari Raya open house and I know I owe her chocolates as a birthday present. Heheh! Like Eza, I know she’s been busy with her further studies thus we haven’t been catching up on things lately, but I’m sure she kept track of me by reading this blog. Well lil sister, God bless you with success and happiness. Can’t wait for you to return to our workplace.
On the other hand, I kinda miss travelling. With my new responsibilites at my new work station, I reckon I might not get a lot of business trips just like my previous post. I’ve been flying here and there but honestly I can’t get enough because I just love travelling. My former colleague just got back from New Zealand while Ayu from Aussie. Cool huh? I still remember how me and Ayu had plans to go for a holiday in Australia when we were still ‘together’, that would be sweet ain’t it! LOL! But nah, I don’t think that’s going to happen. In fact I better not make it happen.
I know I’m bad. I know I’m mean, I know I shouldn’t be thinking of Ayu anymore. It is just so unfair for my darling Emma, especially without her knowing my account with Ayu during our ‘cold war’. Sometimes I feel I am being dishonest and lying to myself. Fizz said it is Ayu that I actually want, but the fact is I just can’t be with her. It is not even an option. The only only I have is to move on. Of course I do love Emma, I really do and I am sure of it, not a rebound or whatsoever. I am willing to spend the rest of my life with her by my side, but it is just this one thing; why can’t I get over Ayu 100%? I don’t even know what is there in her that makes me so obsessed.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially Emma. Yes, it’s true men are bastards, I might be one, in fact I am one. But I don’t want to be one. And if I ever should get married, I don’t want to be a filthy, scandalous old man. I’ve seen these kind of men at my new work place, locking himself up in his office with someone else’s wife during lunchtime. God knows what the eff they’re doing in there. And it is such a disgusting scenario and God forbid, I don’t want to be that kind of man! Some people just enjoy the pleasure of corrupting love with lust.
Women are meant to be loved, and love is meant to be pure!
I had a good chat with my buddy Amal earlier, we were flashbacking to her birthday celebration last two years. It was just a little gathering with her close friends, her colleagues and basically some guys in her life. Funny how those guys looked at me with some jealousy in their expressions, coz Amal came and left the party with me. Heheh! You know how I used to spend a lot of time with her those days, she basically came to work in one car with me, even ran her errands with me. So people thought that we were couples. Well, there was only one reason for this, me and Amal were neighbours, our homes just 3 minutes away.
The birthday party was a successful one, well at least it made her day even though she cried for a while looking at one empty seat reserved for a lovely friend who left us forever. I hugged Amal until she stopped crying, she even lost her appetite to eat until I mouth her some noodles. And that made the guys look at me with more jealousy. Hahah! I know those boys are battling with each other for a place in her heart and yet there she was sitting next to her buddy like a couple of lovers. And we laughed when we talk about it.
We miss those days, those times when we used to hang out a lot. Movies, cruising around, watching sunsets, shisha, in fact all the things a couple of lovers would do. But we were just good buddies, sharing good and sad times, ups and downs. There might be some unspoken feelings between us but I think we are better off being good buddies for some reasons. Love comes in many different ways, and the love we have for each other is just something special.
And now it’s the distance that separates us. Amal moved back to her parent’s house and we were no longer neighbours. But everytime we meet, things never change, still the same talks, laughters and all. Except that we don’t spend much time out like we did before. And she’s got some stints in relationships so yea, that’s understandable. And so do I. But we never failed to get in touch with each other, or meet up when there’s a chance, no matter how high we are on the clouds, we are always there for each other. It’s a buddyship I will always cherish and appreciate.
Of course, now Amal knows about Emma, in fact they’ve met before. And Amal seems to know that I’ve been close with Ayu as well, although I’m sure she doesn’t know the exact thing that has been going on between me and Ayu. She just got the idea and instinct that I have something towards Ayu, well, Amal knows me better. Perhaps one day I will tell her what happened for the past few months, my complications with Emma, my obsession for Ayu, and my rebound with Emma. She’ll be happy to hear about the Emma part, but about Ayu, I’m sure she’s gonna knock my head!
I’m kinda feeling down and stressed for reasons I don’t even know. I feel like my head is overloaded with so many things i can’t comprehend. Sometimes I just don’t know what actually I want in life. Careerwise, I have a good career which gave me job satisfaction. Moneywise, I am happy with what I have. Although there are tight times but I managed to survive. Thank God at least I don’t have to steal or beg.
Lovewise, I already found what I’ve been looking for, a loving and caring girl like Emma. She care for each and every tiny bits of my welfare and at least I know that I am not treated insignificantly. Believe me, a man knows when a woman really loves him. I don’t mean to compare anyone here, but I don’t feel the same treatment from Ayu. I still remember those days, when I hold Ayu’s hand, I don’t feel the responsive loving grasp from her end. Yes, lovewise, with Emma in my life, what more a man like me could ever ask for?
So why the stress? Is it because of the weekend with Ayu? Is it because of work? Sometimes I wish our brain is just like a hard disk which we can reformat anytime they got corrupted. And speaking of work, I just found out that the boss I am reporting to at this branch is even worst than my previous ones. Oh well, aren’t all bosses the same?
I gotta be careful with myself especially when Ayu is around me. I don’t want to fall for her again coz it won’t be fair for Emma. Of course I do still cherish ever moment with Ayu as a friend, but if I’m not careful, I’ll be swept off my feet. And today, I spent the morning at our corporate function and as you know Ayu was there too as part of the committee.
She texted me early in the morning asking me to wait for her at the carpark, so yea I did. And when we arrived, we realised that we were kinda too early thus we just sat inside her car and talk. She’s lovely as always but hey Zul, she’s engaged, and what about Emma. Yes I do love Emma very much, and I am considering taking our relationship to the next level now. The same level as Ayu’s. This might sound like a rush or perhaps a desperation to some, but Fizz said, it’s the willingness and sincerity to spend the rest of my life with someone I love and care.
Back to Ayu, I might still have the remnants of my passion for her, coz I found myself caring for her well-being during the event, not to the extreme though. And you know how much she loves my attention. In the car, I wanted to tell her about Emma but I didn’t get the chance coz she was venting something off her chest about work. So I was just being ears to her. And after the function, we had lunch together with another colleague hence busted my opportunity to tell her about Emma.
And after we split, Ayu texted me,
“Take care, bye bye, mwahz, syg u.”
Oh God, please give me strength. I just want to love her AS A FRIEND and not an inch more than that! And yes, Emma took me out for a movie, just like a dose of serum for the poison I had this morning.
It’s 1st December. World Aids Day. It was supposed to be Late Amy’s 22nd birthday, of course she’s no longer around. I miss her. Just few days before she died, we had a text conversation. I still remember when she said,
“Inda lagi lama me 20 years old, I’m getting old. Amalan lagi inda cukup.”
She never made it to 20 years old. The last sentence carried a sign which I only realised after she left to meet our Creator. She was a lovely friend, we all love her so much, but above all, God loves her more. I can never forget the way she look during teabreaks, munching on her muffin and giggling with her friends. I still remember the way she look when she finished up Amal’s salad when the 3 of us had lunch. I remember everything and it still feels like yesterday. Her sweet face, her laughter, her giggles. I will never see it again, except in my memory, her photos, and hopefully in the next life.
I miss you Amy. May Allah bless her. Amin!
After knowing each other for months, today I met Fizz for the very first time, a bit unplanned and impromptu though, she was at a saloon for some hair treatment so yea, I basically spent an hour or two accompanying her there and chat. Catching up on stuffs et al. Of course we still text each other almost every day, as always, since the day we knew each other. Our chemistry as friends never change, not even a slightest stint. Friends come and go. No matter what happens in our lives, I know we will always be there for each other. She has stopped blogging, there’s been so many things happening in her life and she just can’t write about it anymore. Of course she can write anytime on this blog being a guest author, and of course she will have me if she ever feel like letting things off her chest.
And by the way, Happy Birthday to Eza, My Star and Rainbow.
Cinta Is Love 
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