Salam everyone, I know it’s too late to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, but yea. In fact Aidil Adha is just around the corner no? Hehe. My Aidilfitri is just the same as always, no new baju melayu, lot’s of open houses and yummy food, thinking of Late Amy on Raya’s eve as always, and for the 2nd consecutive year, overslept for the Eid prayers!

Oh well, Raya was a month old story. I am beginning to realise that I am not getting any younger. I have hit the ‘Kepala 3′ mark which means I am halfway in life i.e. if I live up to the average mortality rate. What have I done for the past 30 plus years? Most importantly my preparation and supplies for the next life. I realised that a good life full of fun, a good career, women or lots of money are just temporary. They come at a certain point in our lives and will leave at anytime by Allah’s will.

But the spiritual readiness to meet our next eternal life? I know I am not prepared. I have wasted my youth with unnecessary fun. I know I have sinned a lot. I forgot that any time death will come and invite us, or perhaps drag us to where we belong, whether we like it or not. I forgot that when The Day comes, our deeds and doings will determine where we will spend our eternal life. Whether in the dark depths of black fire or the glorious blessings full of unimaginable glory.

All my heart has been full of sorrow and frustration which I think I deserved for what I did. And for the first time when I submit myself to God and recite His Holy Name, I found peace, I found the ultimate love.

God please forgive me, for You are Most Merciful.

I just don’t know what to say, I’m totally speechless and distressed when viewing this video. Apparently a newborn baby was abandoned the day before yesterday somewhere in Kg Kupang in Tutong.

“Dan janganlah kamu menghampiri zina, sesungguhnya zina itu adalah perbuatan yang keji dan satu jalan yang jahat (yang membawa kepada kerosakan).”

(Surah al-Isra’:32)

Ramadhan in New Zealand isn’t that bad. I guess the fasting hours is more or less like in Brunei with Sungkai around 6pm. I bet my counterparts in UK need to endure another hour during this time. What to eat here? Not to worry, we have lots of halal outlets here, arabic, indian or malaysian malay cuisine. Not to mention we do have supply of halal meat here so me and Sab took turns to show our “talent” in cooking. Her’s is of course better, mine not that bad too.. well for me at least! But yea nobody complained

Anyway, thank you for the birthday greetings. Those who greeted me on FB. Of course, Amal, who’s always the first to greet me, to Fizzy, Star and Rainbow Eza, my Cute Little Hana. Thank you everyone for your thoughts. And as expected I didn’t hear from Ayu, I bet she must have forgotten for the 3rd year in a row. Oh well, not that I was waiting for her anyway. Not much celebration on that day, just had dinner with Sab and some friends. They wanted to go clubbing and all, but I politely declined. I guess I’m too old for those scenes and plus, it’s Ramadhan.

I do miss home, and there’s a reason why. Although I know I’m clapping with one hand. As always!

A lady friend shared with me some pointers about her boyfriend. What do you make of this guy?

- They don’t go out much together especially in the evening.

- If they go out, they don’t go to crowded areas coz the guy hates crowds.

- Throughout their 2 year relationship, only 3 times they went to The Mall together.

- If they go out for dinner, they go to the same place everytime, places like Kianggeh Food Court (KFC). Just because the guy is choosy with food and only like the food there.

- The guy don’t like to go to Gadong or Kiulap for dinner.

Well, the way I see it, this guy must be married. What say you guys?

I was chatting with a friend this morning, catching up on stuff. So he told me what he encountered yesterday. He was on his way for Tarawih prayers at Jame Asr mosque after having sungkai in Kiulap when he saw a couple detained for ‘close proximity’ at the graveyard parking area opposite the mosque.

Wow! Sungkai Arab agaknya. I guess Ramadhan doesn’t stop our lust yea. I’ll have to agree to that but.. c’mon.. on holy ground??! That’s kinda disrespecting no?

It’s been ages since I last blog, I know. Work has been all over me for the past few months with lots of assignments on my back. Now I get to take some time off from it all and here I am, on the first day of Holy Ramadhan catching up on where I have left. Of course, when I say taking some time off, I better make full use of it to breathe the air I had missed for the past couple of months.

It’s coming to a full 2 weeks I’ve been away now, enjoying myself with my baby sister Sab and old friends here at ‘The Place I Wanna Be”. Spending Ramadhan here ain’t that bad after all except for the freeze. I kinda miss the shawarmas at some Turkish outlets here, man.. they’re as big as my arm, not to mention the juicy lamb doners, salad and dressing. It’s extremely good to be back here, not that I don’t miss home though.

There’s something that I miss actually, but I think I’ll just keep it to myself. For even if I let it out, I’ll get the same cold shoulders, that kind of feeling when someone you care just abruptly left you when you need them the most. It hurts big time when somebody did that to us yea. Not even a good bye, vanished just like that, swoosh! Oh well, I think I’m so used to it already, I got that a lot during Ayu’s time. Well hack, I’m extremely happy here, with my baby sister and friends keeping me laughing and smiling all day long.

But at night, when I laid my head on my pillow, it’s those few minutes before I drifted, I can’t help from missing.

I want to fly away, far away, leave all the past love behind, leave all those who pretends, start a fresh new life, on my own, my own career, my own apartment. Fly far away and never return, to this land called New Zealand.. where I used to roam before.

Sky Tower as seen from Ponsonby Road

Auckland

Waiheke Island

Rotorua Lake

Queen Street, Auckland, where I used to lepak

Its been a slow week and its only Wednesday. Work has been quite slow with not much activity except some paperwork which needs my boss’ approval. Since he’s been away for the past three days, there’s nothing much I can do. Red tape! This is what happens when there are too many valves in a pipeline.

I remember those days when I used to work in New Zealand, there was no such things as a slow week, not even a slow day. There were just so many things to do. We worked like 10-12 hours a day and people called us ‘those who can do a lot of things at once’. Sigh! I miss those days. And owh..I miss my baby Sab who is still down there.

But despite this unproductive week, it felt good to find time to hang out with Cute Little Hana on lunch hours, also spending a few extra minutes with colleagues during tea breaks. While at night, I am trying to get into the habit of sleeping early, as early as 1130pm! Well yea, that’s considered early to me! I’m having this sleeping disorder lately which already has effects on my health and stamina, not to mention the eyebags.

Starring:
Azrul – the guy
Umi – the girl

Co-starring:
Fadil – the best friend

Azrul and Umi are good friends, however Azrul is crazily in love with Umi. Umi knew about this very well but she loves him as a good friend. But sometimes Umi’s act doesn’t seem to care about Azrul’s feelings. She would talk about other guys as if not realising that it would hurt Azrul. Azrul would just listen to Umi while he swallowed the bitter pill. He did not show any signs of jealousy or bitterness, all for the sake of Umi’s happiness. Although deep inside he’s broken into pieces.

One day, during their usual lunch out, Azrul can’t help himself from expressing his feelings to Umi. He spilled everything to the last drop. It wasn’t a surprise to Umi, she knew very well how Azrul care so much about her. She nicely rejected saying that she can only accept Azrul as a very good friend, nothing more and nothing less. And this was no surprise to Azrul as well, he knew Umi would reject. But by letting it out to Umi, Azrul felt a sense of relief, at least Umi is aware of what’s inside Azrul’s heart.

“No matter what happens, I can only think of you Umi. Only you.”

Azrul sent Umi home, in the car they talk and joke as usual, although Azrul seems to be a bit down.

At home that night, Umi can’t stop thinking about Azrul and what he had told her during dinner. Azrul is a lovely and caring guy, cheerful and humourous. Just the type of man she wants, but Umi can’t understand why she can’t accept Azrul. Umi fell asleep that night with Azrul’s face in her mind.

4 am in the morning, Umi’s handphone rang, she picked it up and suddenly her head felt heavy, as if the world descended on her head. It was a call from Fadil, Azrul’s best friend. Azrul has been involved in a car accident and in in critical condition. Umi’s legs became weak, she can’t hardly stand. Suddenly she burst into tears, crying, crying and crying.

When morning came, Umi’s mom took her to the ICU to have a look at Azrul. Again Umi broke down when she saw Azrul in such a condition, bruises and bandages, respirator on his face, wires and needles, and a slow beep on the screen. Azrul’s family, close friends including Fadil were there. Fadil said the doctor gave a 50/50 chance. Even if Azrul survived, he could suffer amnesia.

Days and weeks. Azrul’s condition is still the same. Umi paid a visit almost everyday, staring at Azrul’s non-improving condition. Deep inside her heart, she prayed for Azrul’s recovery, so she could talk to him, joke with him just like always. And deep inside her heart, she missed Azrul saying, “Azrul sayang Umi”.

Umi can’t help but crying when one day Fadil said Azrul’s condition is getting worse, pulse is getting weaker. She realised that she too, loves Azrul. It’s just that she’s not ready to accept him. She vowed to herself, if ever Azrul recovered, she will express how she feel. Umi realised how much she had hurt Azrul all these time, but no matter what, it didn’t change how Azrul felt for her.

It was a happiest day for Umi when Fadil texted her Azrul is showing some improvements, he’s starting to groan, move his hands and his head although not fully awake yet. His eyes starts to show some movements beneath the eyelids. Umi was in KK when she recieved the good news.

Few days later, as soon as Umi arrived home, she quickly rushed to the hospital. Azrul’s conditions has been improving indeed, although he still can’t sit but at least he can open his eyes and recognise the people who came. When Azrul saw Umi, he closed his eyes and a drop of tear rolled down his cheeks. Umi suddenly felt guilty as hell for all she did to him. But she had vowed not to hurt him again. Ever.

Weeks pass by, Azrul’s recovery is speeding up although he still can’t sit or walk. The wires had been disconnected but the needles are still glued for the liquids to feed him. Umi and Fadil visited him everyday. Umi just wanted to be next to Azrul throughout his recovery, until he is fully recovered.

That night, Azrul didn’t stop staring at Umi, it’s like his eyes were tied to Umi’s. Before Umi left, she kissed Azrul’s forehead. Azrul whispered,

“I love you”

But Umi didn’t say a thing, she wanted to say I love you too, but her mouth was stucked, and to this day Umi does not know why can’t she just say it. That night at home, Umi thought hard on why can’t she express her feelings towards Azrul. And that night Umi made up her mind, she vowed that she will say it to Azrul tomorrow.

She’s very sure now, crystal clear, she loves Azrul, with all her heart!

The next day, Umi cried big time at the hospital.

“I love you, Azrul! I love you! I love you” crying, sobbing, like she lost her mind.

She kept on saying the words amidst her cries, while hugging Azrul’s motionless body, covered with white sheet.

“I love you Azrul!” Umi sobbed. But Azrul can’t hear it, and will never hear it!

Sometimes love happens when it’s already too late.

Sometimes love happens when you least expect it to happen. Sometimes we only realise it when it’s already too late. I, on some occasions, let love passed by me when it is already in front of me without knowing it. And that is the time when I realised that I have busted an opportunity.

“My love, I see you almost everyday. I talk with you, joke with you, cry with you. Over the years, we have talked about almost anything, about you and about me. And after all these years, only today I realised that I care so much for you. Why now my love?”

Sometimes, love are meant to be hidden. Kept under our tongue like a sweet suicide pill. It is sweet like a candy, but there will be time it will turn bitter and venomous. Love is a poison. I have been repeating this phrase since this blog started. But hey, love happens. And when love happens, we don’t care anymore of our surroundings. It’s like walking in paradise while hellfire is just beneath, so we gotta watch our steps.

“The glimpse of you makes my day. To hear your voice, it send me to high clouds. To see the way you eat, it makes me smile. But my love, we are not meant to be together. Sooner or later, the time will come that I have to leave you. One thing I ask for when that should happen, please do not cry. For I just want you to know that I will always love you.”