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Remember last time I said with my move to my new office, I won’t have to deal directly with Ayu anymore? Today, it proved to be wrong. There will be another corporate event this weekend and I am one of the organising committee. Although I have other things to focus on but somehow I have no choice but to be a working ant in this. So yea, I came to a meeting this afternoon, and guess what, I saw Ayu manoueuvering (spell check pls) her car into the parking lot. And her fiance was on the passenger seat. Ayu smiled when she saw my car and I can see her fiance was looking at her and then at me. So I drove past, pretending not to know her just for her sake.
So I parked my car, got my bag and porty out and headed to the meeting room. I didn’t know what Ayu was up to until minutes later when I found out that she was there for the meeting as well. Yes I was wrong when I said I won’t be working directly with her again, and now, I’m gonna have to work one whole day with her this weekend. Oh well, handle things professionally. Work is work! After the meeting we talked for a while, her fiance is waiting for her in the car and as I expected, he was asking a lot of questions on why was Ayu smiling earlier when she saw me. No wonder he was staring at me when I passed by. Well, that’s their chemistry and I have no right to say anything.
I met my birthday buddy Amal last night, I went to Qlap Mall to watch Enchanted with Emma. And I bumped into my buddy Amal, poor her, she only celebrated her birthday by watching movie with a couple of friends and a cousin. Not as grand as we had last 2 years. But still, me and Emma was so happy to see her. Looks like she lost a few pounds though. But still cheerful as always.
And the movie Enchanted. I’m not really into fairy tales so the movie was just a so-so for me, quite hilarious though. It was Emma who really wanted to watch it, so yea, I thought I’d just spare my time to be with her and make her happy.
It’s my buddy Amal’s birthday today, I was the first one to greet her last night, exactly when the clock struck 12 am. Just the way she became the first one to greet me on my birthday months back. There won’t be any celebration she said, poor her, she must have been too occupied with work, wish I can take her out for dinner at least.
I still remember how happy she was when we celebrated a little party for her last 2 years, even though we were deeply saddened with the demise of our beloved Amy. Amy was supposed to attend the party, and that made Amal cried. We were still devastated but we knew we had to move on. It was somewhat a happy evening for her but somewhat somber, looking at one empty seat which remained empty forever.
I’m sorry buddy, I don’t have roses today, I don’t have something for you to remember of me on your birthday this year. All I have for you today is my prayers, may God bestow you with happiness, success, true love and His Divine Blessings. I hope you enjoyed this day even if there’s no celebration, coz I know there is always a happy person inside you.
Happy birthday buddy.
As of today, it is exactly 2 years since Amy left us. I still remember that day when Amal called me, sobbing, delivering the news I cannot believe. It was really hard for me to accept it and up to now, sometimes I still feel Amy is still around. Her laughter, her smile, her giggles. I still can see it all. It was a dark day for me, for Amal, for all those who are so dear to Amy. But God loves her more than we do. She left just 3 days before her 20th birthday, and she never lived to be 20. Times like this, let us all pray to God, may He bestow His blessings upon Amy.
Amal couldn’t stop crying that night, while I kept silent in my disbelief throughout the night. I wanted to cry but my tears just won’t fall. And later that night, with a heavy heart, we started to accept the fact that Amy is gone. Her journey in this world is done, while we still have ours.
Al-fatihah!
What happen when love happens? We become blind, we become deaf. Everything around us seems to belong to us. Love happens anywhere, everywhere, any place, any time, to any one, regardless who they are, regardless of the situation. People do crazy stuffs for love, people cheat for love, people kill and die for love. Fernando Sucre robbed a liquor store just for love, just to buy an engagement ring for the one he love.
Love comes in many form. Some are pure and sincere, some are forbidden yet it still happens, while some are corrupted with lust. Some love costs betrayal and sacrifies. Love can bring someone to a drastic extent we can never think of. I’ve been blinded by love, I’ve been true a love which is so wrong, yet I can feel the heat and sweetness of it. Although ultimately it will lead me to the bottomless pit of sorrow, only to be saved by an angel. Again, another evidence that love happens any time, any where, any way!
Love comes with a lot of factors with it. Like a holiday package with it’s terms and conditions. Such are happiness, laughter, tears, daydreaming, wishes, hopes, as described by my friend Lia. The list never ends, one can add or omit their own factors, depending on how they think of love. And it’s entirely one’s decision on how they want to live their love.
As for me, love is always a sweet poison, a drug I can’t live with!
I love fried chicken! And when I crave for it, there’s one place I usually go, none other than KFC. And yesterday I was really really craving for KFC, the crispy Hot and Spicy fried chicken, so I went to Athirah with Emma for this purpose. We ordered, we sat and ate. I was indulging half way when suddenly 3 or 4 big flies came hovering by. And my appettite suddenly came to a shut down when one of the flies landed and drowned into my Coke.
Man! I hate flies, owing to the fact that I have a weak immune system. I’m a bit particular when it comes to hygiene. When flies came flying around, that is not a good sign for me. Germs everywhere. So KFC Athirah, please do something about this! It wasn’t the first time I saw flies there, only this time it dared to do a suicidal landing into my drink.
Tomorrow is Monday and I’m kinda not looking forward to it. I really need a good undisturbed vacation. Ever since I move, there’s no such thing as uninterrupted weekend, once in a while I get weekend assignments. And my new job scope calls for me attending corporate dinners and all, which means I get to see Ayu. Ahhh just when I thought I’m not gonna see her anymore after the move, I was absolutely wrong! Well, I can always deal with things professionally right?
Nothing much more relaxing than spending my Saturday lazing at home, watching DVDs. Plus I got overtime tomorrow so today is my only uninterrupted off day. Emma is at work, she works at a government sector. And I’m texting with Ayu as we speak, she said she’s at work on a Saturday. Yes me and Ayu still keep in touch. And I’m gonna tell her about Emma soon and see how she reacts.
Have a nice weekend everyone.
I almost got hit while I was strolling across a zebra crossing down town. I was half way through the second lane when some road idiot dashed at about 60-80km/h perhaps unnoticing me on the stripes. I managed to stop on the white line between the lanes, surge of adrenaline prompted me to raise a middle finger to the prick. Really, I personally think ‘road etiquettes’ should be included in driving lessons in Brunei. Pedestrians’ rights on zebra crossings, other than that, how to use the right hand side of a double lane. It’s not meant for a 40km/h Sunday morning cruise for heaven’s sake. And the use of signals, why is it so hard to do a 0.5 second flick on that signal switch? We humans can be ignorant sometimes but little that they realised that these ignorant behaviours can lead to a fatal effect.
It was a close call, or else this post would not have been uploaded. Thank God!
Shoot! My connection is at 1.0mbps right now, yes that’s 1.0! Signal strength very low, my room is located at a far corner of this house. I hope I can post this successfully. If E-speed is running at this phase, I wonder how it’s going to be for dial-up users. On the other hand, my stats rocketed sky high ever since Rano linked my blog. Thanks Rano, and honestly, he should have won the award for the local scene category. I’ve never read Kurapak blog before it was announced the winner, and after I checked it out, I find it enjoyable though. Now that it’s voting phase for the photo blog category, I wonder who’s going to win!
It feels so surreal and unbelievable, when an angel came down to save the day. I went out with Emma for dinner after work and then we went cruising just like the good ol days. There’s just so many things to catch up between us, apparently our families are so excited that we’re back together again. I sang the chorus of ‘Bidadari’ by Anuar Zain to her and that made her cry with joy.
~Dikau bagai mimpi, bidadari, yang membawa lari hatiku ini~
I’m not good in singing, I don’t have a good microphonic voice. Emma sings a hell lot better, in fact she’s got excellent singing talent, she’s just too shy to polish it to fame. But if she did, I’m sure she can make some name in the industry. Wiping her tears, she said I have a good singing voice, but heck, she was just trying to be nice. Heheh!
I’ve been missing posts lately, not because I’ve been hanging out with Emma or whatsoever. It’s because I’ve been kinda busy with work, projects after projects on my shoulder. Darn! These people can just come up with never ending ideas without even studying how feasible they are. Oh well, not my money anyway. And everytime I got back from work, the first thing I look for will be my pillow and I would spend some time napping before sunset. Not a good habit, I know.
I chat with Eza earlier this evening and that was our first time chatting ever since that ‘interrogation’ night. Heaven on Earth, God knows how I miss her so much. If only she’s in front of me, for sure I’ll give her a warm hug. Poor Eza, she’s been all stressed up with her studies, never ending assignments and all. Her mind must be crumpled with it all and will need a good ironing. Well, I’m sure she’ll get through with her exams next week.
I’m sleepy and tired and it’s 1215am and I got to wake up at 6 tomorrow. That left me with an unhealthy 5 hours 45 minutes of rest now. Ciao for now.
I’ve known Emma for quite some time already, long before I know Ayu. There was ’something’ going on between us, sort of being lovers but we never talked about it. I don’t know how to explain it but the feeling was mutual. Then complications set in, lots of it, and we took the time off with the hope that distance will make our hearts grow fonder. But it turned out to be otherwise, our hearts went astray. Turmoils and confusions, as you all know, especially since Ayu came into my life. My heart became a delicate piece of chinaware, easily broken into dust.
The past few weeks has been hard, but blessings always comes in disguise. During my hiatus, just when I thought life is meaningless, an angel came to save me. Emma returned into my life, we went out for a drink and catched up on things. We realised how we missed each other and we decided to bury the hatchet, start from new. All is settled, the complications we had, erased like sand blown by the wind. And yes, I am a happy man. Thank you God! Nothing compares to Your Divine Blessings!
I’ve never talked about Emma in this blog before, coz I thought things were absolutely over between us, on top of that I was blinded by my stupid hope for someone’s fiance. Of course, I will never ever forget Ayu, she will still be my friend. I met her during a corporate function last two nights and we walked together to our cars after that. I wanted to tell her about Emma and where I’m heading in my life but I didn’t get the chance coz she was in a hurry. If last week she said “sayang you” with her very own mouth over the phone, that night before she left, she actually said that to my face, in front of me, for the very first time. I remember she said she love me as a friend, nothing more. Why now is she doing this? I think the ‘theory’ is right, for woman, a NO is a YES, or TRY AGAIN TOMORROW! Agree? Heheh!
Well, I have to admit, I still care for Ayu, there are still remnants of my feelings. But I am accepting the fact that our paths are different and nothing much we can do about it. And I now have Emma, and it is not fair for her even if I should continue my forbidden affair with Ayu. It is just so so wrong! We can only be friends. I know I cannot avoid her at all, unless maybe one of us quit our job. With my move to another quarters, it only increased the distance between us, but we are still under one roof and are bound to brush against each other just like two nights ago.
Ahh! Sooner or later, I will tell her about Emma and the path I decided to take. I know we will be at par then, and from a friend’s view as a woman, Ayu might feel threatened coz she knew she will somehow lose my attention. But hey! She is engaged herself and how I’ve been feeling about it all this time? So yea, we’re even! Friendship, that’s the farthest we can go.
So readers, I hope this explains the new image on my header! 
I still miss my old work place. Perhaps because I’m still struggling to fit in myself with this new environment. The people are okay though, it’s just that they’re just too occupied to show me how to ‘get around’ this new place, or they just purposely do this. Thus I have to do things on my own feet, oh well, nobody’s gonna spoon feed me forever kan. So yea, I’ll do things my way. And I was given a young and naive assistant to do bits and pieces for me, the thing is she didn’t even know how to get around herself coz she’s new as well. She was like lost when I asked her to file something, and honestly I don’t even know where to file it. The document room is so messed up without no proper system of filing. Shoot! I think I’m going to have lots and lots of work to do here. After all I know it’s not easy to work in the media industry. Opsss! Did I say that out loud just now? 
Oh by the way, Fizz will be sharing this blog with me and she will post something once in a while. Right now I’m sure she’s got a hot story to share with us. So stay tuned.
Apart from the sizzling hot secretary, work at this new branch has been kinda tiring. Like I mentioned, few projects under my charge and all and on top of that, trying to suit myself in the new environment. Workflows are totally different from what I used to do before and lot’s of questions to be asked. I had to move around a lot but hey, I don’t mind being paid for something I like to do. Somehow I miss my previous colleagues and the old place although they are just an email away.
I have not sensed any politics at this branch though, unlike my previous station where friction between the bosses which at times put me and my lovely colleagues look like idiots. But I’ve seen one of our top brass dude trying to flirt with the effing hot secretary which surely sent her into a major dilemma. Scared, she would come down to our office to hide from the top brass who is old enough to be her daddy. Men!
And today Ayu texted me to ask something about work which is apparently out of my capacity now, so I forwarded her query to someone else. Of course I still have access to the data she needs but then I thought, let the correct person handle it. Not that I don’t want to help her though, it’s just that it’s beyond my control now.
So what actually happened during my 1 week hiatus? Nothing much, I basically came to a decision to be extra careful with my words and remarks so that I won’t hurt or piss off anyone. Comment box got hot and my readers are having friction between them either they realise it or not. But I guess the one week hiatus is just nice to cool down everyone. I’m sure everyone had their share of fresh air by now.
I still chat and meet up with Ayu during the silence but I made sure there’s no hand kissing, forehead kissing or things like that. We sort of sat down and talked, things are as clear as daylight about us, she said she loves me as a friend and nothing more than that, but but but she enjoys all the affectionate treatment I gave her just because nobody ever treated her like that before! Now this is not something new yea, I’ve talked about this before supported with comments from my readers. It’s just that she has confirmed the fact now. And here’s the confusing bit, I was talking with her on the phone a day after that, and for the first time ever, she said “sayang you” with her very own mouth! Like WTF! Just when I was about to eject, she began to do stuff like that just for the sake of keeping me within her turf. I’m getting immune to all this.
Apart from that, I have moved to my new office. Things are kinda busy there, with few projects under my charge. New colleagues to fit in with, new environment, with a pretty ‘effing’ hot secretary to help us out with papers. And yes as expected, I bumped into Zee a few times, she kept on asking me to drop by to her office which I never did until now. Remember she once said she wants to go for breakfast with me before work? What breakfast? She’s got this punctuality problem like it’s her daddy’s office. I wonder how her superiors can tolerate her attitude. Another 50 staff like her, we’re in for a tumbledown!
I’m back people, feeling a hell lot better now, I’ve been alive and kicking, still doing the same stuff I always do. Let me just start by responding to Gokil’s tag for now and then we’ll catch up on things on my next post. So here we go, 7 random facts about me.
1) I don’t get angry easily but I have a bit of roadrage problem. Yes I do get hot easily when I drive, especially when I have to face some idiots driving at 40km/h on the right hand side of the road on peak hours. So yea, watch for my finger apart from my horn! Heheh!
2) I sleep a lot. Whenever I can find 5 minutes to lay my head on a pillow, I will grab that chance. And waking up in the morning is the most hardest thing to do for me. I usually set my alarm clock with 30 minutes snooze allowance so I can continue my journey into slumberland.
3) I once entered a strip club in Europe with a friend. We were young and naive so curiosity got the best of us. We sit down for a while and ordered a cola and it cost a friggin 20 euros per glass. After 10 minutes or so, I didn’t feel right, I sensed that the place was full of scam so I went home leaving my ‘horny’ friend to have a time of his life. Later he called asking me to come to his rescue, he was charged 450 euros by just chatting up a stripper to accompany him. So I lent him some quids and saved his day. Thank God, red light districts isn’t my scene.
4) Thought strip clubs not my scene? Well hey, casinos used to be. I was in New Zealand for quite some time and the casino bouncers and dealers became my friends. I lost most of the time though, or I’d just stop when I lose to the point from where I started. No lose no gain!
5) I used to dance, but now I think I lost the skills and flexibility. Except when I go clubbing, I’d just throw all the moves I can. Heheh! It’s been a long time, I think I’m too old for this already.
6) Everytime I travel, I’d be sure to bring few cans of baked beans with me. I don’t know why, but I just love baked beans.
7) I’m not good in mental maths and calculation and I’ll need my fingers to make simple additions and subtractions. This is what made me and Cute Little Hana have something in common :D
So I’ll tag everyone in my links 
Things are getting hot in this blog. My words have apparently hurt, annoyed or pissed off some readers. I stand corrected and by all means, please do so if any of words are so unjust. They way I wanted to protect my anonymity has apparently caused some disappointment. I have thought of setting up a group chat with my readers, just a little ‘get to know each other’ thingy, something as close to having coffee. But I think I’ll just cancel it. I have hurt My Star and Rainbow, now I have hurt my readers with unintentional words and actions. So the best thing to do right now is to keep my mouth shut, find a nylon string and tie my fingers together. I’m sorry I might sound too sensitive but I guess this is way better than to hurt anyone. It has been my life motto, not to hurt anyone even though people always hurt me.
So I’ll keep quite for now, indefinitely, perhaps for good. As quiet as My Star and Rainbow. Please forgive me for everything people, I just don’t feel like blogging anymore now. There’s just so many things happening one after another. First my obsession of my affection, then I made Eza mad, and now my readers. I’ll invite a guest writer here perhaps.
I am not seeking attention or sympathy or publicity here, but this is just the way I feel. Once again, please forgive me for this and all I have done. And I thank you all for your wonderful support. I love you all!
I miss My Star and Rainbow. I haven’t been chatting with her lately, she didn’t reply any of my text and nudges. I think she is mad with me for being unintentionally harsh to her on that night she ‘interrogated’ me. No hard feelings my dear, and I don’t want any personal grudges between us. I AM SORRY, I didn’t mean to hurt a woman’s tender heart. Last night I dreamt of her staring me with fiery eyes and said “Yes I am mad at you!” with her soft voice.
Eza, you may wish to ignore me, you may not want to talk to me anymore, but you will always be my friend, my star and my rainbow. You have always been a star on my dark nights and a rainbow on my rainy days. (Thanks to Unsilent Reader for the quote idea). I know my stubbornness about Ayu sickens you, I’m sure the rest of my readers feel the same way too. I am sorry for everything. Eza, whatever you do out there, take good care of yourself.
I miss you. My Star and Rainbow.
Life is a drama itself and it will take endless seasons and perhaps countless DVDs. I do like reading books but I just don’t have time for it except when I travel on a long journey. I read biographies usually. Although people may think the story of my life is kind of interesting, especially with regards to my obsession of my affection (as described in Ranoadidas.com), frankly I do find lives of other people has more challenges and turmoils compared to mine. Somehow I thank God for giving me the ability to smile on a day of sorrow. There is just one trick to this, it’s called patience. And patience is what made me still alive today, and the believe that God will never forsake us.
Now a reader has come up with an offer. Coffee with me. Ok let’s meet up one by one, we have coffee, chit chat, get to know each other, etc. I can tell you all about myself, my life, my love, up to the intricate details. You may ask me ANY questions and I will answer all of it. No secrets. You can have a very good look at my face, all my features and all, I won’t allow photographs though. Basically I will spare an hour or two of my social time to make your day. And then, we will end the night, settle the bills, and in less then 10 steps after you walked out of the cafe, I will have to send a hitman to kill you, just like Jason Bourne style! Hahaha!
It’s a brilliant idea if my readers wanna throw a party or a gathering and by all means you may do so. I’ll be so happy knowing that my readers are socialising with each other thus creating some sort of a club, enhancing friendship among you and all. However, regret to say that I won’t make an appearance myself I’m really sorry guys for being a tough nut to crack but this is just my firm decision and I stick by it. I guess Fizz was the only lucky reader who made it to the header image of this blog and yet we have never met in person ourselves although she won my full trust as good as a confidential secretary.
I’m here guys, still in the need of more fresh air for a very deep breath. Feeling a little bit better now, although not much but hey it’s an improvement right? I’ve been busy getting ready for my move and guess what? I bumped into Zee yesterday, remember her? The kepala angin who denied she’s married and used to and perhaps still admire me. This morning she sent me an email which said,
“Hi luv, looking forward to see you here. You look great and fresh yesterday.”
I just replied, “Thanks.”
I got goosebumps all over me. My God! She is married for heaven’s sake and still she wanted to deny it. She is pretty of course, but she is just so unreliable, and on top of that, she is married. When I move there, there is just one game I have to play. It’s called ‘Ignore’. Oh well, despite that, I am looking forward to the move, I know I’ve got challenging projects to take charge of already. And I hope it will keep me away from thinking of things I should not be.
My previous post surely broke the record with it’s top number of comments. Once again, thank you all for your support readers. And ohh.. I was speculated 17 years old? Haha. I wish, but I am way past my teenage years and frankly I am around Meela’s age. And now you guys are wondering how I look like. Now let me see. Yes I once mentioned the header image probably has got a resemblance especially my facial hair, and yes I wish I am as good looking as the guy in the pic. Haha! But I am thankful to God for creating me for who I am and how I look like. I don’t need plastic surgeries and all. Nothing to add, nothing to subtract.
Other features, I’m 5′7″, yes short hair, but not brownish skin tone. I’m kinda fair some say. Thick lips? Yea maybe, and it’s not burnt like a smoker’s lips. Small dark brown eyes, a bit apart? Hmm I don’t know if my eyes are small but I think it suits with the lids though. Dark brown eyes, yes! A bit apart, as in London-New York eyes? I think the placement is just nice. Hmm how’s a mushroom nose anyway? Hehe.
Ok now here’s a little bit of challenge for you guys. Why don’t somebody come up with an “artist impression” of me? Unleash your creativity fellas, and email it to me at cintaislove@gmail.com
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